I've been contemplating the conundrum of wanting to give into the sexual frenzy early in relationship while also wanting to preserve the spark. I haven't found any definitive answers but one thing I know; have the sex.
Have the sex! There's been a big focus on "gas/brakes" of sexual desire since Emily Nagoski's amazing Come As You Are was published, but I think for some of us it's time to start unpacking the gas/breaks. For example, through inquiry I may realize that not having my legs shaved is hitting my brakes...so what if I want to change my relationship with shaved legs so that it's no longer a necessary condition for sex? Conversely, what if I realize that I'm not fully checking in with my own attraction level before saying yes to sex with someone, and I want to be more discerning and have more breaks there. It's a lot to unpack, but I think it's worth a solid look.
I love this perspective.
I've been contemplating the conundrum of wanting to give into the sexual frenzy early in relationship while also wanting to preserve the spark. I haven't found any definitive answers but one thing I know; have the sex.
Have the sex! There's been a big focus on "gas/brakes" of sexual desire since Emily Nagoski's amazing Come As You Are was published, but I think for some of us it's time to start unpacking the gas/breaks. For example, through inquiry I may realize that not having my legs shaved is hitting my brakes...so what if I want to change my relationship with shaved legs so that it's no longer a necessary condition for sex? Conversely, what if I realize that I'm not fully checking in with my own attraction level before saying yes to sex with someone, and I want to be more discerning and have more breaks there. It's a lot to unpack, but I think it's worth a solid look.