Standards For Promiscuous Girls

Navigate Your 'Ho Phase' By Attraction and Desire

I could pen a tome on double standards between the sexes, especially those related to promiscuity, but I’ll spare you. My conversation in the “Promiscuous Girl - Why You Should Have a Ho Phase” episode of the Joosi Sex Podcast highlighted a specific double standard very much in need of exploration: the idea that women should uphold a moral/intellectual standard for who they fuck.

Women Should Have ‘Standards’

I choked on my taco a little when I heard him say it. Ummm. No. It can’t be. I stared in wonder across the table at my date, slack-jawed. This guy has two successful exits from startups he founded. He’s cute. He works out. He drives a fancy sports car. And he’s…a flat earther??? My eyes started darting around, looking for the exits at this unbearably pretentious white tablecloth taco spot. This is the part of my story where people say, “You didn’t fuck him, right?”.

They assume I didn’t fuck him because he was clearly intellectually unworthy, based on his flat-earther-ness (and perhaps his choice of taco joints). After all, whereas men can have sex with any person, women are supposed to have ‘standards’ that pertain to the social value of the partner. Why? Why. Why? Because our vaginas won’t work if our date is unintelligent or unaccomplished? Au contriare mon frere. when I want to get laid I am just as capable of overlooking someone’s unsuitability for partnership as a man is. And this seems to piss some people off. As if I’m responsible for disciplining the morality and intellect of mankind with access to my pussy, or lack thereof.

I did fuck him. Instead of making my exit, I paused. Was my attraction still accessible? Was this date salvageable? After all, I wasn’t looking for a partner tonight, just a hookup. Could I possibly fuck a flat earther? I decided to ask a couple of clarifying questions and made a swift decision to level with him, “I don’t think we’re going to have a very good time tonight if we discuss that anymore. So let’s talk about something else.” And like magic, he obliged. Phew! Once he dropped flat-earth, the attraction returned. We went on to have a fun evening and some memorable, adventurous sex. Despicable, right?

Gatekeeping

What the Donald Draper is going on here? Why is it that women are held to a different standard for who they fuck? In part, it might be hard to believe that a woman’s sexuality is for her own ends, plain and simple. The underlying assumption is that women don’t really want sex for themselves; they are merely obligatory gatekeepers to a prize that men must earn. We see this gatekeeper trope played out on every sitcom and mindlessly echoed in many relationships. Man is good, man gets sex. Man is bad, no sex. Man gives flowers and chocolate, sex is almost guaranteed!

Entitlement

The troubling notion that so-called romantic behaviors nearly guarantee sex unearths the deeper darker culprit here: Entitlement. Self-identified ‘good guys’ believe they are entitled to sex with women if they perform certain favors or meet certain standards. Therefore, if a woman fucks someone that doesn’t meet those standards, she gave away the good guy’s rightful prize! What’s worse, so many women have been socialized to buy into men’s entitlement and feel like they owe sex to men for various things, from helping her move to buying her flowers. Sadly this dynamic makes many women afraid to accept help and anxious about random acts of kindness. She wonders, “Am I expected to fuck him for this?”.

What About Women’s Desire?

The systems of gatekeeping and entitlement render a woman’s sexual desire irrelevant. No wonder so many women feel sexually disenfranchised, desperately seeking sexual arousal creams instead of questioning why they have sex when they have it, and whether the answer has anything to do with their own attraction and desire. What if your standards became about what you want instead of what someone else deserves, full stop?

Yes, You Can Fuck Stupid

As I bravely demonstrated, I can fuck stupid, and so can you. I fucked a flat-earther even though I could never date one. You can fuck someone just because they’re attractive. You can fuck someone just because you’re curious. You can change your criteria from worthiness to attraction and desire. You can stop looking at sex as something you give others and start looking at sex as something that is FOR YOU.